I think everything is starting to take its toll.

Fuck.

I’ve realized that I’m so rocky and worried about our relationship, because if you do something fucked up, I know that I’ll leave you. I love you, but I also know that I don’t deserve anymore shit.

And I know if it goes down I’ll have a struggle within myself. Moving in with each other, living in San Jose together, it would probably make it harder to leave, but even then I know I would.

I want us to last so badly. But the way you are about some things just make it so hard. And I hate to admit it, but a lot of it has to do with your age. You may be older in some ways, but you’re still young at heart.

And your inconsistencies make things worse. You say you’ll do or not do something, and go about doing the opposite with no acknowledgement of you going against your word.

And one thing that really bugs me is you give me all of this shit about not wanting people to know about your life, and yet you let them in to see all of your shit. On instagram and all of this other shit. Like come on dude. Consistency. If you don’t want people to know your shit, then avoid them knowing ANY of it.

You remind me of myself when I was with Bianca and Erika. The things you do to me, I did to them. And I feel bad for it. But I also know that my age back then had a lot to do with it. So I guess that’s what I’m dealing with now. I just hope your feelings for me remain… On the positive side. I hope you’ll want to stay with me.

But I think it could happen where you realize that your life is completely different from mine, and the things you REALLY enjoy doing I’m over. It’s happen to me in the past, I think it could happen with you. Partying and drinking isn’t so important to me as it is to you, it’s not something I wanna do and I don’t enjoy it like you do.

I promise I can be good to you, but I don’t think it’s about that. We’ll see what happens when it comes.

I tell people to think about the good times and the bad. So much for taking my own advice.

Someone on Facebook said their doctor told them to write stuff down if they can’t sleep. So yeah.

Worried about EDC weekend. I don’t think you’ll cheat on me, but I’m pretty sure you’ll do something I wouldn’t want you to do. Thinking we should wait until after you go to Vegas to move in with each other, I can’t be stupid and naive about this.

I’m tired of my car. Kit didn’t come together well, need more camber and spacers in the front. And rear valence.

Nervous for job interview on Tuesday, I don’t know how to prep for shit, what the fuck?

Regular view on iPhone is normal, how do I go back to mobile view?

My life sucks overall. I need a change, a drastic one. And I may get one, but an obstacle in my relationship might hinder that, shitty.

Fuck you Michelle, I had respect for you as my ex girlfriend and as a person, and then you became a piece of shit. Shitty how that happens.

i love you. and you make me happy. and i appreciate everything you do and have done for me.

But in this mediocre life that I live, you are the highlight of my day. You’re what I look forward to from the beginning of my day until the end. And every time I hang out with you it just gets that much worse. I start thinking of all of things I want to do for you and give to you, and I stop myself. Because I know this isn’t supposed to happen.

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You can have this part. Haha.